In retrospect, it looks like I needed to take a break. As reported earlier, the last few months included my recovery from repetitive stress/impinged nerve problems that had me resting my hands as much as possible, my laptop hard drive going *ka-poof* and taking a bunch of stuff with it (vital things were backed up but, unfortunately, that didn't include some of the most recent drafts of patterns in progress), and my taking on job #3. My car, a 20-year old station wagon with nearly 150,000 miles on it, blew a head gasket and I decided to retire it and not replace it, at least for the rest of this year.
my little brother, hard at work
There's something cyclical about my relationship to doing design work and pattern writing as a job; sometimes I'm staggered by how smoothly it goes and how delightful it can be to work on something I love that feeds me creatively, and sometimes I'm staggered by how it seems like choosing to be a designer dehumanizes me to others in some ways. Sometimes it's the things I have no control over that have me throwing my hands up in the air and wondering if it's worth continuing. I've negotiated different ways of dealing with these situations over the past few years, applying things that I've learned. One of those things, for example, is that I am terrible with deadlines and other parts of my life are often a higher priority, and so I've taken a long break from submitting designs to publications.
homemade soymilk in progress
There are so many other things I want to do. Sometimes I think that it's a problem, that I get pulled in so many different directions at once and that if I could just focus on one or two things, I'd be better off. I scaled back on some things - like how much time I spend online doing things like reading and posting on Ravelry forums about knitting, crocheting, and designing - instead of actually knitting, crocheting, and designing (interesting how that happens). Games and puzzles online have been a big distraction too, and I'm setting time limits for myself so that I don't stay up late playing "just one more round." I've also found myself eating out much more than usual. I've been in the habit of eating out for lunch for a long time, but I've also been eating out for breakfast and dinner more often. Some nights I'd get home late, so hungry that I'd just eat half a box of crackers for dinner. This is doubly unusual, because I like to cook. I like food, as my waistline can tell you, and I am one of those people who also feels compelled to feed other people, yet I hadn't been preparing my own food or cooking for other people very much. After I got back from Portland, one of the dogs figured out three different ways to escape from the yard and follow me down the street to the bus stop, and when I got home, the dogs would all haul their butts down the driveway like I had steaks and chicken wings hanging out of my pockets.
Hanalei Moon, quilt piece by M. Lea Ingram, displayed in the 2008 Hawai'i Craftsmen juried exhibition
So I started picking up more books at the public library, finally finished watching Seasons 1 and 2 of Heroes, realized I could mix a batch of cupcakes in 20 minutes (am working through Vegan Cupcakes Take Over The World, so far every recipe I've tried is fabulous and one of my sisters is arguing for having the Green Tea cupcakes as Thanksgiving dessert), got caught up on the podcasts I wanted to listen to, took advantage of the unlimited texting plan kidlet and I are on, and quit feeling guilty about the unfinished patterns piling up in my notebooks. I'm still learning how to use my shiny new laptop (my previous laptop was 7 years old), my hands feel great, and the dogs have mellowed out again. They still accompany me to the gate, and greet me when I return, but without all the whining that was happening for a couple of weeks.
YAY! Good for you. Glad something is working out for somebody! (If you see any of my muses can you send them home? I promise I won't be standing at the door with a frying pan.)
Posted by: May | November 18, 2008 at 09:42 AM
May, I recommend using cupcakes as a lure. The green tea are effective and I have high hopes for the chocolate with mint glaze.
Posted by: m.k. | November 20, 2008 at 08:19 PM